I was afraid of posting this at first,

But if I can help at least one guy out there

I’ll take that any day over gatekeeping my mistakes.

As some of you know,

I ended a 5-month relationship almost 3 months ago now.

At the time it messed me up but now I am doing a lot better.

They say some things you can only learn through experience

By now I have had enough time to reflect on what I’ve done wrong

So here is what I wish I knew before hopping on a relationship.

#1 - Caring:

For some background, my friend and my ex were friends way before I knew either of them.

I met this girl 7 months before I started dating her.

He already knew her for years by now.

So Midway through our relationship, I got worried that he would take my girl.

But, what I didn’t realize is that I was overprotective.

I was afraid of losing my girl to my best friend.

I recall one seeing a message on their DMs which was a heart, but I didn’t snoop her phone to check the context.

At the end of the day, I can’t control anyone’s actions

So I shouldn’t even worry about things I can’t control

If they ended up being a thing, at least now I know and I would have moved on.

Next time I will let her know my boundaries and if she doesn’t respect them,

I’ll walk away.

IF YOU CAN’T WALK AWAY FROM A DEAL THEN YOU HAVE NO POWER.

#2 - Real

You have to adopt a stoic (it is what it is mindset)

If she cheats on you

Break ties

And move on

You can’t control what she does

But you can control how you react to it.

#3 - Control:

I was going back to my journal to see what I have written about my breakup.

This is a journal entry I got on 5/12/2023:

At least I can acknowledge that it is a waste of time to worry about something I have no control over.

But this thought shouldn’t have popped into my mind in the first place

#4 - Boundaries:

I should have set out my boundaries from early on in the relationship

I let her get away with too many things

If you let one thing slide, there will be a whole lot more to slide

#5 - Rewards:

You have to reward people based on what you want them to do

This not only applies to relationships but it applies to parenting as well

If you punish a kid for getting home late,

You are punishing them for coming back home.

Of course, I am not saying praise them for coming home at 4 AM drunk,

But, you have to reward them for doing what you want them to do and talk to them so they don’t do what you don’t condone.

In my relationship, oftentimes she would pull back her attention from me,

And I would try looking for her attention further,

This is a mistake because I am telling her

She can back off as much as she wants

Because I’ll always be there

That’s not a healthy relationship

Next time I need to reward her for the behavior I like, to keep the feedback loop.

#6 - Alpha

When I was still with my girl, I wanted to buzzcut my hair. But I didn’t

I didn’t because she told me she would be sad, and I didn’t want to make her sad.

But this puts her on a pedestal.

If you put her on a pedestal she can only look down on you.

So I should have done what I wanted from the beginning.

Now that I got a buzzcut, I will keep it for a long time.

#7 -You are perfect

As a Catholic, nobody is perfect

We are all sinners looking for Jesus

Even if you don’t believe in Christianity,

It is ignorance to think that someone else is perfect

We all have all flaws and mistakes we’ve done and made in the past.

Even if you fixed them already, by definition you are not perfect anymore.

Putting people on a pedestal like that might be a trap for disappointment.

#8 - Don’t let the Sparkle die

Our sparkle died

At some point, she gave up on the relationship which was likely due to me

So I take 100% accountability, I have to often keep her on her toes,

Otherwise the relationship will be boring and we will part ways.

#9 - Goals

Telling your goals is a double-edged sword

In one way, it could help you guys get closer together,

Or it could end your relationship faster

But if the relationship ends because you guys don’t have similar goals,

Not talking about them doesn’t change that you have different visions

So talking about them early on could help filter people out

So you have more time to find “the one”.

In my case,

I told her my goals for the relationship early.

She didn’t have any goals set (at the time) for how her life would look like

So she would either follow me on my journey

Or part ways.

We did the latter, partly due to our goals.

But keeping someone that doesn’t match your goals is pointless.

That would be a waste of time.

That is all I got for this week soldiers!

Enjoy the rest of your week but remember

PS: I took a break from social media but you can always reach me through my email

I’m off so I can spend more time carrying the boats and the logs.